For a happy-go-lucky weatherman, Matty McLean’s tropical island getaway hasn’t exactly been all sunshine and rainbows.
Matty is not happy. His strategic planning and desperation to dominate the game, one he’s been studying since he was a kid, isn’t getting him anywhere.
He wants to fight against Barbara Kendall’s approach that physical strength is the only strength worth valuing. He is getting pretty mad. There are hands on hips and exasperated faces.
“I think I’m sometimes the only one that really thinks about how to actually play this game.”
It’s all getting a bit Groundhog Day-ish. Another week, another attempt to convince Moses Mackay and Athena Angelou of his approach, while Shane Cameron literally tells him to stop spending time and energy on trying to overthrow Barb. Matty prefers to call her “The Ringleader”.
In his own words, who’s left to talk to? Gary Freeman? Is he really going to dissect strategy with Gary?
No, silly. He’s not that desperate...yet.
Instead, Matty decides to tell Barb all the ways she could play the game better. Yes, the woman he is trying to boot off the captain’s throne.
And she Does. Not. Care. Because, in the words of Mako’s opposition, Barb is The King. And you can’t tell The King anything.
Across the island, Matty’s ideal teammate, Eric Murray, is turning Celebrity Treasure Island into a game of chess. Rather than just blundering through from toasted sandwich surprise to ice-cream reward, he’s getting strategic.
King Barb is in his sights, with Queen Moses close behind. Little does Eric know, Mako have also given him a crown, and it’s about to change everything.
After a week and a half of coconuts, rice and lentils, the unlucky blue team are convinced one gifted toastie from the night before is enough to push them over the line for a long-awaited reward challenge win.
But boats, puzzles and balancing ledges didn’t fall in their favour - again - giving Kahu yet another victory. The smugness and desperation is seeping through the screen in equal measure.
Lily and Gary were put up against each other in an elimination challenge that saw them stack cats to stay in the game. Gary emerged King of Kitties, while Lily was sent off to her next crazy adventure.
All the losing finally flicked a switch for Barb and her band of merry men. In the spirit of the anti-Olympics, Mako decided to throw a challenge to be able to swap their leadership, putting Gary in the driver’s seat, and ensuring the island’s chess champ, Queen Eric, definitely did not get the immunity of the captain’s cloak in team Kahu.
At last, Mako are playing the game - and Matty still looks miserable.
There’s a creeping sense of bitterness when the rest of his team finally start doing the exact things he was begging them to do just 24 hours earlier. It’s dawning on him that he’s still not seen worthy of captaincy - or even worth saving with that Mercy Card Gary now has up his sleeve.
Matty’s no quitter though. He tries an adorable father-son outing, where he and Gary cut down bamboo and nudge coconuts off trees. Unfortunately for Matty, it was another kind of nut that took the impact of the branch and, on top of everything, it feels like he is no closer to securing himself a lifeline for when the going gets tough.
But things only get worse.
Despite Gary leading the charge, Mako still end up losing the next Team Face Off (more water, more puzzles, more Kahu success) and then The Whiz proves powerless when rival captain Shannon beats him in a “who knows their fellow players the best” pop quiz.
The prize? The choice of one Mako player to adopt into the depleted team Kahu. Queen Moses was picked without a second thought and suddenly everything changed. Kahu are now stacked with killer queens, while Mako are left with a clueless king and some powerless pawns.
No one in Mako feels safe when it comes to elimination, but it is a surprise when Matty’s name gets called to battle Jodie in a test of endurance and balance.
And the game’s super-fan is visibly heartbroken when he loses to Jodie, who never looks like she is going to fail. He tries sending subliminal messages to Gary in his farewell speech, desperate to win his Mercy Card.
And wait…
Is Gary calling him back from the wilderness? Did the coconut bonding work? Is the mercy card about to be played? Will Matty’s dream continue? Guess we’ll have to wait until next week to find out…
Bridget Jones is a TVNZ publicist and former entertainment reporter.
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