Simon Cowell wonders where on earth he is.

Most shocking moment 

Strangely the most shocking moment of episode one came before the auditions had even started. 

In the first minutes of the show we saw the judges navigating the London tube to get to the auditions on time. 

We’re not sure who was more shocked at seeing Simon Cowell on the underground – us or Simon himself. We’re pretty sure he’s never travelled on the tube in his life. 

“Do you prefer this or the private jet?” David asked Simon.

The other commuters were shocked to see the judges and hosts Ant and Dec on the Central Line… even more so when they were treated to a pole dance by David Walliams.

Though he be but little, he is fierce.

Most unexpected moment

When 10-year-old Calum from Essex came out to perform I don’t think anyone watching – judges included – was prepared for what was about to happen.

“What a big song for such a little guy,” David told him afterwards, leading Calum to burst into tears (making it also our awwwww moment of the week).

“That was one of the biggest reactions we’ve had for anybody standing on this stage,” Amanda added. 

Needless to say it was yeses all round.

It takes a lot to embarrass David Walliams.

Weirdest moment

Britain’s Got Talent always has its fair share of weird and wonderful acts and episode one was no different.

The weirdest for us had to be farmer Julian Ellis who came on stage to tell the story of a cow, using David to act out the part of the cow. 

We’re not exactly sure where Julian was going with this act - he was thankfully cut short by the remaining judges. 

But at least he gave us this hilarious David Walliams moment.

 

The exact moment we began to ugly cry.

Most emotional moment

If we were honest, we would have to admit that we spent a large proportion of the show tearing up. But the biggest tear-jerker in episode one was magician Marc Spelmann. 

He had the judges pick things at random and then played a slideshow of his daughter, who was born after his wife had to have chemo while pregnant, predicting each object the judges chose.

The performance left Simon speechless, possibly for the first time in his life. “I’m absolutely gobsmacked,” he managed to say, before Ant and Dec decided to use their golden buzzer (in episode 1 even!) and send Marc straight through to the live final.

We’re not ashamed to say we cried like babies over this one.

The B Positive Choir were more than just a great pun!

Most inspirational moment

The B Positive Choir doesn’t just have a great name. Put together by NHS Blood and Transplant, they are campaigning to inspire people to give blood.

They also all suffer from, or know someone who suffers from, sickle cell disease. And they can really sing!

Amanda teared up watching them perform. “I found the whole thing really moving because blood donors saved my life and are the reason I’m still a mummy to two girls,” she told them afterwards.

You guessed it, that was another four yeses.

 

Simon's smiling on the inside.

Funniest moment

Canadian inventor Marty Putz will always be remembered as the man who covered Simon Cowell with toilet paper. 

Marty's act was part-comedy, part-science which culminated in a hilarious gun-like contraption that shot toilet paper off its rolls and onto Simon’s head. 

It was truly a sight to behold. It might be too early to call, but this could be the funniest moment of the entire season. David certainly thought so.

“That is the funniest thing I think I’ve ever seen in my life,” he said after giving Marty a standing ovation.

In a shock twist, even Simon said yes! 

Do not try this at home... seriously.

Scariest moment

It’s never a good sign when someone’s act starts with the words, “If I start floating and I pass out, then you get me out.”

Escapologist Matt Johnson provided the most nail-biting moment of the week when he locked himself in a box full of water with a chain around his neck and handcuffs on.

Simon could barely watch, Alesha said she felt “sick”.

It was definitely touch and go. “For a moment I actually did think this is going to go really wrong,” Simon said after.  

Thankfully it didn’t, but we’re already nervous about what Matt might do next after receiving four yeses from the judges.

Watch the latest episode of Britain's Got Talent here.

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