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Watch: 'Life was catastrophic, I was going crazy' - Zac Guildford on hitting rock bottom after All Blacks

November 13, 2018

Zac Guildford has opened up about the mental struggles he faced as he hit rock bottom in his life - and the moment he decided to finally turn it around for good.

The former All Black, who won the World Cup in 2011, said in an interview with Eurosport he used rugby and alcohol to escape the pain he was feeling over his father's death.

Robert Guildford had a heart attack in the stands while watching his son play for the junior All Blacks in Tokyo in 2009.

"I made the All Blacks when I was 20 ... the year my dad passed away. I decided I'm just going to try as hard as I can for him. It was a very emotional time for myself and my family.

"But then at the same time I was hurting, I was in pain because I'd lost my dad. I was doing whatever I could to escape, whether that be rugby, whether that be drinking alcohol.

"So my life was catastrophic ... everyone thought I was living the dream in being an All Black, but in my head I was going crazy."

His issues with alcohol ended up leaving his rugby career in tatters as his All Blacks career stalled after 10 Tests and contracts with Clermont and the Waratahs were lost as he continued to battle his inner demons.

"When I lost my contract at the Waratahs, after Clermont, I was still doing the same dumb stuff, the same old Zac. Then I went home back to Napier, no contract, no money, and I woke up in my friend's garage one morning after a big night and [thought] I want to change."

As a result, the 29-year-old got back into the game with Heartland Championship side Wairarapa Bush and now plays second division rugby for Nevers in France.

"It took me to lose all those contracts and end up chopping trees down with my granddad and living with my grandparents to realise maybe I do love this game and I still want to give it another shot."

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