Former Miss Universe Lorraine Downes has candidly spoken about the second great tragedy of her marriage to cricketer Martin Crowe - a miscarriage.
In an interview with TVNZ’s Sunday programme, which aired tonight, Downes made her first public comments since Crowe’s death in 2016, and reveals the intense bond the two shared.
"From the moment we got together, I felt like I could just be me. The stupid me, the worrying me – everything. Marty took it all, without judgement," Downes said.
The former model and the cricket legend started a relationship in 2005, marrying four years later in a ceremony at Omaha.
"Life was wonderful. We were going to grow old together and watch our children do all their wonderful things. There was just no doubt about it," she said.
Downes had two kids, Hilton and Jasmine, to her first husband, ex-All Black Murray Mexted. Crowe had a daughter, Emma, from a previous relationship.
But despite Downes being 44 at the time, the couple optimistically began trying for another child.
"I am the eternal optimist. My mother was born when her mother was 47, so I thought, 'Well, I can do it'. So we did try," she said.
And Downes did become pregnant, while Crowe was on a six-week stint with an Indian Premier League team in Bangalore. "I rang him, and before I even said anything, he said, 'You're pregnant, aren't you?'. I went, "I am!'"
"It was early days, and I was meant to go and join him in India. My doctor said, 'I don't think that's advisable. I'd rather you stick around [in New Zealand]'."
But in the weeks that followed blood tests revealed that the pregnancy was at risk and shortly after Downes miscarried.
At hearing the news Crowe insisted she fly to India as soon as possible, so that they could grieve together.
These early pregnancy trials were eventually overshadowed by Crowe’s discovery of a lump on his neck just before his 50th birthday.
He was diagnosed with an aggressive form of lymphoma.
Despite multiple rounds of grueling treatment, Crowe succumbed to the disease in March 2016.
Downes said her husband experienced a major spiritual transformation before his death.
"He said, 'I don't want the cricket to ever define who I was as a man. Because that certainly wasn't who I was'."
For the past two years, Downes has remained out of the spotlight, allowing herself time to emotionally recover and discover her own identity after losing who she describes as her best friend.
"Marty wants me to be joyful again. He wants me to shine again. He wants me to thrive. And that's what I'm doing."
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