Is device overuse causing you intimacy famine? A weekly date night could spice things up

March 7, 2019

Angela Rennie shared her wisdom with Seven Sharp.

A walk in the park and mini golf as a date night are some of the tips an Auckland sex therapist has for the increasing numbers of couples feeling lonely in their relationships, often because they're spending so much time on their devices.

TVNZ1's Seven Sharp reported having everything at our a finger tips is a both a gift and a curse. On one hand you can order Uber Eats from your favourite restaurant without even getting out of your PJs, but on the other hand people are spending so much time on their devices no one's talking to anyone anymore.

According a new book, 24/7 streaming is one cause of an intimacy famine in the western world. 

Relationship counsellor and sex therapist Angela Rennie said she's noticed an increase in clients coming to see her "feeling really disconnected and lonely in their relationships". 

"If you're on your devices the whole evening you're not connecting with your partner. You're not going on date nights, you're not doing anything exciting, you're probably not being as intimate as you would like to be. So it causes all sorts of problems," she said.

"What I try and get all my couples to do to reconnect is to spend at least 15 minutes a day with no devices - just talking to each other, updating each other in the world of what's gone on for you in that day."

Ms Rennie said she also suggests having a date night every week.

"And that doesn't mean going to the same restaurant every week or going to a movie every week. I think you've got to do different things and exciting things. Go for a walk in the park one week, play mini golf the next."

Two people who's relationships are apparently not plagued by device-overuse are the Seven Sharp co-hosts Hilary Barry and Jeremy Wells.

"I'm lucky to be married to a man who doesn't have a mobile phone," Barry rejoiced. 

"I believe he may be the only person in New Zealand who doesn't own a mobile phone and is not connected in any way to social media. So that's handy. I don't know what you guys are all talking about."

Wells told viewers that in his relationship "you're not allowed to be lying in bed and looking at your phone, which is a good idea because what are you doing looking at your phone in that situation?"

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