'Everybody should write their own book' - Lorraine Downes on how writing helped her recover from Martin Crowe's death

Former Miss Universe Lorraine Downes has spoken about the therapeutic power of putting words on the page following the publication of her book detailing life with late husband Martin Crowe.

Downes book Life, Loss, Love marks the first time she has commented publicly on the her relationship with the legendary New Zealand cricketer since his death in 2016.

"Everybody should write their own book because it is wonderfully healing," Downes said.

"For me, when I wrote the book I realised I have had so much happen to me in my life, and there have been some wonderful things, and I'm going to have more wonderful things happen to me, but incredibly healing."

Downes said she wrote the book over two months in Bali, and the anonymity there was essential to re-finding her personal identity.

"I had to get out of New Zealand, I had to go away where no one knew me so I could just be me because, actually, after Marty passed I had no idea who I was," Downes said.

"I'd been doing this role of caring for him and then that was over and it was like 'who am I, what do I want to do?' I had no idea. It was an awful feeling."

Downes also said she found solace following Crowe's death by visiting healers, who communicated what his wishes from beyond the grave were.

"One of the healers said to me 'Lorraine, Marty doesn't want you going 'I miss you, I'm crying, he wants you to shine again'. And I just heard those words and thought 'of course he wants me to shine again'." 

Downes spoke with TVNZ1’s Breakfast about her rise to fame and the death husband Martin Crowe. Source: Breakfast


Hayley Holt on how alcoholism masked her deeper personal issues - 'Most of the reason you drink is resentment and fear'

Hayley Holt has spoken frankly about how resentment and fear were the root causes of her past alcoholism.

The TVNZ1 Breakfast presenter touched on the lessons Alcoholics Anonymous imparted to her on Duke's The Inside Word program last night, and how drinking masked deeper personal issues. 

"What you learn in AA is most of the reason that you drink is resentment and fear, the two main reasons," Holt said. 

"Everyone, people, organisations, life, the world. So you write all of these resentments that you have and you go 'these guys, it's all their problem, everyone's an arsehole apart from me'.

"But then when you work through all this resentment you go 'there's a pattern here and it's me'."

Holt said she realised one of her own deficiencies was a tendency to be easily influenced by others.

"Mine was I don't stick up for myself, or I don't set my own boundaries, or I'm a yes person and I resent people who say 'OK I'll take what you're giving me'," she said.

"It's about finding your own power."

Holt went on to describe how, in 2013, she failed an on-air drug test while presenting a radio show on More FM.

Angry that the stunt had been broadcast, she decided to get drunk one night, before hosting her early-morning radio show.

"I blamed [my] work… so I decided to get drunk and go on air, and show them just how resentful I was."

The fallout was highly publicised, and Ms Holt said she sat in her house for about three days, "hiding from everything, [while] drinking".

"That wasn't the only rock bottom I'd had. I'd had many, many, many times where I should have gone, 'Hey, let's look at your drinking'."

Her biggest wake-up call came after a decade of heavy drinking.

"It took me watching my friend giving up drinking, and seeing the difference in her - that made me realise 'Wow, this might be the answer'."

The Inside Word airs Sundays at 9pm on DUKE. All six episodes are available now on TVNZ OnDemand.

The Breakfast presenter spoke to Jehan Casinader in the first episode of TVNZ's new mental health panel show, The Inside Word. Source: TVNZ DUKE


Watch: 'I was a functioning alcoholic' - Breakfast’s Hayley Holt reveals battle with the booze

TVNZ 1 Breakfast host Hayley Holt has revealed her battle with alcohol addiction.

Ms Holt spoke about her alcoholism on The Inside Word, which airs on Duke on Sundays at 9pm.

"I knew I was a problem drinker basically right from the beginning," she told host Jehan Casinader.

"I was quite proud of the fact that I [knew it]. I was a functioning alcoholic - 'Yeah, give me the booze'."

The television host says she began drinking in her early 20s as a way to "get outside of" her insecurities and to "join in" with her more charismatic friends.

"I was quite a self-conscious person - I was very shy when I was little. I was... I'm probably quite introverted," Ms Holt explained.

"That's who I thought I was. I really thought that was me."

Ms Holt said "at first, it worked. It gave me a personality and I got confident in myself, but then it pretty quickly became a problem."

The former snowboarder's friends soon began to avoid her as she became more dependent on alcohol to have a good time.

The 36-year-old, who regularly attends AA meetings, has been sober for more than three years.